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Ahead of Schedule
Thursday, September 29th, 2005 07:01 amThe night before last, DH and I came home from the hardware store, planning pizza for dinner and were met by the girl in the living room. She was a bit tearful as she explained her best friend's newly "ex" boyfriend was coming over for a consolation chat because he was pretty devastated by the day's breakup. She says, "I hate it when other people cry; it always makes *me* cry!"
Then she says, "I need to tell you something," and I think 'oh no. This is it, the big teenage disaster is about to rain down. Which one will it be?' (paranoid much, mom?) She squares herself right in front of me, and puts her hands on my shoulders, and looks me in the eye. "When I'm at school, I see lots of my friends looking sad or even crying, and I go to them and ask them 'what's wrong?' and they tell me that their moms have said 'you look ugly without make-up on,' or 'you're fat, you need to lose a few,' or 'you look terrible in that outfit.' and I just want to say Thank You for not being that kind of mom. I'm so glad to know that you will never say something like that to me."
So we end up hugging and crying on each other, and being mutually amazed that anyone could say things like that to their kids. Of course, I say other things, loudly, and frequently. But they have to do with not living up to your responsibilities or commitments, or not being respectful of your family and housemates. You know, the stuff you've got to learn how to do so you can live in the world. But I digress.
I didn't think I'd hear the thank-you-for-being-a-good-mom thing until after she moved out. Isn't that the soonest you usually hear that? And if you don't get it then, you maybe get it after the grandkids start arriving, if you're ever going to hear it, right?
Then she says, "I need to tell you something," and I think 'oh no. This is it, the big teenage disaster is about to rain down. Which one will it be?' (paranoid much, mom?) She squares herself right in front of me, and puts her hands on my shoulders, and looks me in the eye. "When I'm at school, I see lots of my friends looking sad or even crying, and I go to them and ask them 'what's wrong?' and they tell me that their moms have said 'you look ugly without make-up on,' or 'you're fat, you need to lose a few,' or 'you look terrible in that outfit.' and I just want to say Thank You for not being that kind of mom. I'm so glad to know that you will never say something like that to me."
So we end up hugging and crying on each other, and being mutually amazed that anyone could say things like that to their kids. Of course, I say other things, loudly, and frequently. But they have to do with not living up to your responsibilities or commitments, or not being respectful of your family and housemates. You know, the stuff you've got to learn how to do so you can live in the world. But I digress.
I didn't think I'd hear the thank-you-for-being-a-good-mom thing until after she moved out. Isn't that the soonest you usually hear that? And if you don't get it then, you maybe get it after the grandkids start arriving, if you're ever going to hear it, right?
