fullygoldy (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
fullygoldy) wrote2007-02-05 09:06 pm
fullygoldy) wrote2007-02-05 09:06 pm
Entry tags:
Baby Shower
I went to a baby shower yesterday, for a 16 yr-old girl due in 2 weeks. She's one of Mavis's best friends. I've got to say, this girl has been heading for trouble for a long time. And it's really a sad thing, when you realize how smart and capable she is. Even now, she's maintaining nearly straight A's at school. My kids are also capable of doing that, but choose not to.
I'm thankful that Mavis is smart enough and self-aware enough to not be pregnant at 16. I can only hope she manages to not get pregnant until she's absolutely ready (or convinced she is). So far, she's conducted herself pretty well. She doesn't take too much crap from anybody, she's got a healthy self-image and sense of self. I think she'll be okay. The boys tend to be overwhelmed/surprised by her attitude towards relationships. She's willing to play by mono rules at this time, but she's not willing to be stifled or controlled. She doesn't let anyone get in the way of established friendships. She absolutely loves babies and kids, and her plan to be some kind of teacher will allow her to get her fill. I think she's got a healthy, well-balanced view of what she wants out of life. Yay, Mavis! Also, this semester, she's taking the Parent-Child class and has to bring home the model baby for a weekend. That will be interesting.
So this girl, K, was the one who went missing on Homecoming night of freshman year. She had come to our house to prepare for the big evening, and I did her hair for her. Afterward she said, "I feel so pretty!" It was said with such surprise, and I felt bad for her, because she and her mom had accompanied Mavis and me on the shopping trip for the special dresses. Her mom kept picking out these horrible dresses with tube tops which were totally inappropriate for a 5' girl with D+ cups. Her rationale was that she didn't want her daughter's cleavage showing and giving boys any ideas, but tube tops just over-emphasize large breasts and look terrible in that situation. Mavis ended up with a strapless dress with light boning, and K got a modestly cut halter top dress that was much more appropriate.
The girls went off to the dance with their dates, and Mavis came home at the agreed time, having had a really fun time. A couple of hours later, say 0200, our phone is ringing. K's mom is looking for her. I say, "well, Mavis came home alone awhile ago." "Oh, Okay." An hour later, she calls again. "Can I talk to Mavis?" We wake her up and ask her if she knows anything about K's whereabouts. Mavis says, "well, her date walked home from the school, and she went with 'some guy' to an after party." "Some guy?! Who was this guy?!" "I don't know, we'd never met him before. I think he's a senior." OMG. K's mom says bye and I go back to bed. Another hour goes by, and K's mom is back on the phone. I talk to Mavis again, she calls a couple of friends, but nobody sheds any more light on K's whereabouts. At this point, I'm way too worried to go back to sleep, so I sit up in the living room waiting for the hourly check-in. Only it never comes. In the meantime, I hear emergency vehicle sirens, *and* the medivac helicopter in the vicinity. I'm so thankful both of my kids are in their beds, and scared out of my mind for K. Finally, at 0830, I can't stand it any more. I call K's mom. She says, "Oh, yeah. She came home about half an hour after the last time I called you. She's ok. She's sleeping right now." Of course I'm totally relieved that K is okay, but really amazed that her mom didn't think to call after waking me up hourly looking for her. She also seemed really surprised that I wanted to hear that K had been found. Idiot. Later, I found out that K's punishment was to be "grounded" for the rest of the weekend. Let's see, she didn't get home until 0500 Sat, slept until 2-300 pm and had to stay home Sat night and Sunday. Yep. I'm punished, I'll never do it again, mom.
So this past summer, Mavis says to me, "I have to tell you something. K is pregnant." OMG. Neither of us is surprised by this news, even though we're dismayed for K. The daddy is the same homecoming date that she sent home early so she could run off and party with the big boys. They've been on and off ever since that time. She knows she's having a boy, and she's decided to make him a Jr. Mavis does not approve of this plan. The daddy's family is being very understanding and supportive, even if the daddy himself doesn't have the maturity to handle it. K's mom kicked her out at first, but has decided she should now live at home and is remodeling the lower level into an apartment for K and the baby. By all accounts, K has been the most stable parental influence for her 5 & 7 yr-old sisters, but still, having one of your own is a lot different.
The girls went off to the dance with their dates, and Mavis came home at the agreed time, having had a really fun time. A couple of hours later, say 0200, our phone is ringing. K's mom is looking for her. I say, "well, Mavis came home alone awhile ago." "Oh, Okay." An hour later, she calls again. "Can I talk to Mavis?" We wake her up and ask her if she knows anything about K's whereabouts. Mavis says, "well, her date walked home from the school, and she went with 'some guy' to an after party." "Some guy?! Who was this guy?!" "I don't know, we'd never met him before. I think he's a senior." OMG. K's mom says bye and I go back to bed. Another hour goes by, and K's mom is back on the phone. I talk to Mavis again, she calls a couple of friends, but nobody sheds any more light on K's whereabouts. At this point, I'm way too worried to go back to sleep, so I sit up in the living room waiting for the hourly check-in. Only it never comes. In the meantime, I hear emergency vehicle sirens, *and* the medivac helicopter in the vicinity. I'm so thankful both of my kids are in their beds, and scared out of my mind for K. Finally, at 0830, I can't stand it any more. I call K's mom. She says, "Oh, yeah. She came home about half an hour after the last time I called you. She's ok. She's sleeping right now." Of course I'm totally relieved that K is okay, but really amazed that her mom didn't think to call after waking me up hourly looking for her. She also seemed really surprised that I wanted to hear that K had been found. Idiot. Later, I found out that K's punishment was to be "grounded" for the rest of the weekend. Let's see, she didn't get home until 0500 Sat, slept until 2-300 pm and had to stay home Sat night and Sunday. Yep. I'm punished, I'll never do it again, mom.
So this past summer, Mavis says to me, "I have to tell you something. K is pregnant." OMG. Neither of us is surprised by this news, even though we're dismayed for K. The daddy is the same homecoming date that she sent home early so she could run off and party with the big boys. They've been on and off ever since that time. She knows she's having a boy, and she's decided to make him a Jr. Mavis does not approve of this plan. The daddy's family is being very understanding and supportive, even if the daddy himself doesn't have the maturity to handle it. K's mom kicked her out at first, but has decided she should now live at home and is remodeling the lower level into an apartment for K and the baby. By all accounts, K has been the most stable parental influence for her 5 & 7 yr-old sisters, but still, having one of your own is a lot different.
That's the background. Yesterday, we get to the shower, and K's mom says, "I didn't know you were coming!" and hugs me. I haven't spoken to her in at least a year, but now we're hugging. Also? we RSVP'd. Then I take off my coat and she says, "you look *great*!" As if it's some kind of miracle that I could look good. Really, I'm no Heidi Klum, but I clean up okay, ya know? So I bite my tongue and say "thanks." Then, mom says, "I mean it! Did you color your hair or something?" I allow that there are a few highlights in my hair now. She says, "they look great! they make you look like you're 22!!" I know I'm already slated for hell, so the thing that popped into my head shouldn't make it any worse, but still, i've got enough conscience to feel bad for this thought: 'well, I'm sure I look younger than *you* feel seeing as how *my* 16-yr-old daughter isn't about to make *me* a grandmother.' Not my finest moment that, but possibly one of my wittier brainstorms.
The little mommy-to-be was showered in style, I'm telling you. I loved the napkins-folded-into-diapers. There was a pile of presents like I've never seen before, and she wasn't halfway through opening them when she was obviously pooped out. Fortunately, her two little sisters were there to take over the unwrapping duties. K was also obviously touched and overwhelmed by the largesse of friends and family. I admit that I was somewhat envious. My own baby shower consisted of 6 friends at a formal tea, with 2 of the guests having gone in on an elaborate hand made christening bonnet. Yeah. I was *ready* for my first baby. [Also, I totally realize that all the help and support I've been showered with in the past year totally make up for that pretty pitiful baby shower.] The thing that bothered me the most was that knowing the bundle of joy is a boy, every. single. person. who gave her clothes, chose baby blue. Even the Packers and Wisconsin outfits were baby blue! Hello? Would it have been horrible to go with the team colors? The poor baby is likely to think the only colors in the world are blue and white. I am so happy that she's not having a girl. I swear by all that is sacred, if I had had to sit through a similar quantity of pink items, I would have had to spork my eyes out.
The little mommy-to-be was showered in style, I'm telling you. I loved the napkins-folded-into-diapers. There was a pile of presents like I've never seen before, and she wasn't halfway through opening them when she was obviously pooped out. Fortunately, her two little sisters were there to take over the unwrapping duties. K was also obviously touched and overwhelmed by the largesse of friends and family. I admit that I was somewhat envious. My own baby shower consisted of 6 friends at a formal tea, with 2 of the guests having gone in on an elaborate hand made christening bonnet. Yeah. I was *ready* for my first baby. [Also, I totally realize that all the help and support I've been showered with in the past year totally make up for that pretty pitiful baby shower.] The thing that bothered me the most was that knowing the bundle of joy is a boy, every. single. person. who gave her clothes, chose baby blue. Even the Packers and Wisconsin outfits were baby blue! Hello? Would it have been horrible to go with the team colors? The poor baby is likely to think the only colors in the world are blue and white. I am so happy that she's not having a girl. I swear by all that is sacred, if I had had to sit through a similar quantity of pink items, I would have had to spork my eyes out.
I'm thankful that Mavis is smart enough and self-aware enough to not be pregnant at 16. I can only hope she manages to not get pregnant until she's absolutely ready (or convinced she is). So far, she's conducted herself pretty well. She doesn't take too much crap from anybody, she's got a healthy self-image and sense of self. I think she'll be okay. The boys tend to be overwhelmed/surprised by her attitude towards relationships. She's willing to play by mono rules at this time, but she's not willing to be stifled or controlled. She doesn't let anyone get in the way of established friendships. She absolutely loves babies and kids, and her plan to be some kind of teacher will allow her to get her fill. I think she's got a healthy, well-balanced view of what she wants out of life. Yay, Mavis! Also, this semester, she's taking the Parent-Child class and has to bring home the model baby for a weekend. That will be interesting.
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I approve of the music, by the way.
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Yeah, the music - do not ask me how I managed to not watch Studio 60 last night. I totally spaced it.
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Being a 16-yr-old mother isn't a total tragedy, but I hope she can grow up and not further screw up her life, or the little bundle's.
In any case, I have always been impressed with Mavis' self-possession and the fact that she takes no crap from anybody. My hope is that I can bring up Hari the same way. So far so good. ;->
Plus, I would've had the same inappropriate thoughts as you, and bit my tongue bloody not saying them out loud.
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It's just hard, knowing she didn't have to be doing this right now. But she had an unreliable role model in a mom who seems to believe her worth is tied up in her relationship with a man, and who thought the way to keep her daughter safe was to make her believe she was too ugly to get a guy. So K was always desperate to keep the daddy's affection, and cut out all her friends he didn't get along with or thought she spent too much time with, until the only people influencing her decisions at all were mom and boyfriend. It just sucks.
unready