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G #4 - Gobsmacked
Saturday, June 3rd, 2006 05:01 pmThis was a long, hard week. Whoever decided Mondays should be national holidays should be revived from the dead and then shot. A Monday holiday means that Tuesday is both Monday and Tuesday of the holiday week. Mondays are generally bad days, because you're not ready to come back from the weekend, but Tuesdays tend to be very bad days for me right now, because that's the day the architect's rep visits my job. This past Tuesday was long and hard. And not in the good way.
Wednesday, I made it home just in time to change clothes and pack up my sandwich to take in the car. The boy had baseball practice and the girl had the annual cheerleader meeting where we write the check for all her clinics and uniform stuff. ($231 this year, less than usual, but also includes TWO pair of shoes). On the way out of the neighborhood, the boy asks, "what's up at the N's?"
"What do you mean?"
"when I came home from school, there were cop cars in the driveway and caution tape around the yard."
We had no idea what that was about, but it just can't be *good.* But there was no evidence of the goings on at 6:00 pm. I wondered about the possibility of domestic violence, but in 7 years in this neighborhood, had never had reason to think that before about these neighbors. After the meeting and the practice and filling the gas tank, I was too pooped to post, and ended up going to bed at 9:30.
Thursday was a really tough day. Things had not turned around on the job site, I really had no clue when or how we were going to achieve substantial completion, only knew that it would in no way be Friday, June 2. Lost two hours of my life to my supervisor, who was uselessly going over and over the project and how we ended up in the mess we're in. I kept telling myself to breathe and not be defensive. I inherited this mess, I didn't cause it. I've done everything possible to pull out a save, but it wasn't meant to be. When I finally headed home with Meatloaf blasting out the speakers, i was pretty darn proud of how I'd handled myself for those 2 hours. But damn, I wanted a martini or two. And I was looking forward to a very thorough fucking in the very near future. ::g::
I arrived home and *demanded* my hugs from everyone. When Mavis finally let go, she said, "we have sad news."
"What?"
"Randy killed himself yesterday."
"Randy? Randy N?"
"Yes. The house was for sale, they were getting a divorce. He had a driniking problem."
O.M.G. I lost it. All day I had managed not to cry over something I had no control over, but hearing this was the limit. I had had a conversation with a library board member just before coming home, wherin I was expounding on my philosophy of trying to stay on the bright side. My life could always be worse than it is. My ace in the hole is that I could be living in Afghanistan or Iraq right now. So. My life could always be worse. But oh my god, there is no way my life is worse than Jenny and Jessie's. They've just lost their dad. They're 13 & 10. Jenny & Randy were inseperable. He shot himself in the head in the home he built for them. What a horribly selfish thing he's done.
For the rest of the night, just about any time I openend my mouth to speak, I wound up crying. It was a 3 martini night, and again I went to bed at 9:30. Gobsmacked is the perfectly apt descriptor for Thursday.
Friday was long again, and I didn't even get away from the site to accompany DH to his doctor appointment. His levels were low, as he expected, requiring transfusion again, but they decided it would be better to wait until today, so he could get up on 6 East, where the staff is a little more knowledgeable about his condition, and more able to poke him without truly hurting him. The kids were doing their own thing for the evening, so we went to the Dane for dinner and a couple of beers. By the time we got home, I was pretty much down for the count again, and talked DH into yet another early bedtime. Unfortunately, neither one of us slept well or long. On an up note, we did manage to get the building to the point it needed to be at for the shelving delivery on Saturday,a nd the beginning of the move-in on Monday. But we won't be truly *done* until June 22 (almost 3 weeks later than the target).
I was not really ready to get up this morning, but DH wanted to cruise the Farmer's Market before checking into the hospital. It was an absolutely beautiful morning,a nd I enjoyed the circuit, but after I left him with the first pint running in, I went home for a sandwich and a nap. He checked in around 9 and was about ready to go at 2:30. Much better than the last couple of times in the north tower. We've rented some DVDs, and I'm doing a chinese-inspired menu for dinner. Tomorrow we'll have to get groceries and finish up some house cleaning. But it is also the state park open house, and it might be nice to really get out for the day.
Wednesday, I made it home just in time to change clothes and pack up my sandwich to take in the car. The boy had baseball practice and the girl had the annual cheerleader meeting where we write the check for all her clinics and uniform stuff. ($231 this year, less than usual, but also includes TWO pair of shoes). On the way out of the neighborhood, the boy asks, "what's up at the N's?"
"What do you mean?"
"when I came home from school, there were cop cars in the driveway and caution tape around the yard."
We had no idea what that was about, but it just can't be *good.* But there was no evidence of the goings on at 6:00 pm. I wondered about the possibility of domestic violence, but in 7 years in this neighborhood, had never had reason to think that before about these neighbors. After the meeting and the practice and filling the gas tank, I was too pooped to post, and ended up going to bed at 9:30.
Thursday was a really tough day. Things had not turned around on the job site, I really had no clue when or how we were going to achieve substantial completion, only knew that it would in no way be Friday, June 2. Lost two hours of my life to my supervisor, who was uselessly going over and over the project and how we ended up in the mess we're in. I kept telling myself to breathe and not be defensive. I inherited this mess, I didn't cause it. I've done everything possible to pull out a save, but it wasn't meant to be. When I finally headed home with Meatloaf blasting out the speakers, i was pretty darn proud of how I'd handled myself for those 2 hours. But damn, I wanted a martini or two. And I was looking forward to a very thorough fucking in the very near future. ::g::
I arrived home and *demanded* my hugs from everyone. When Mavis finally let go, she said, "we have sad news."
"What?"
"Randy killed himself yesterday."
"Randy? Randy N?"
"Yes. The house was for sale, they were getting a divorce. He had a driniking problem."
O.M.G. I lost it. All day I had managed not to cry over something I had no control over, but hearing this was the limit. I had had a conversation with a library board member just before coming home, wherin I was expounding on my philosophy of trying to stay on the bright side. My life could always be worse than it is. My ace in the hole is that I could be living in Afghanistan or Iraq right now. So. My life could always be worse. But oh my god, there is no way my life is worse than Jenny and Jessie's. They've just lost their dad. They're 13 & 10. Jenny & Randy were inseperable. He shot himself in the head in the home he built for them. What a horribly selfish thing he's done.
For the rest of the night, just about any time I openend my mouth to speak, I wound up crying. It was a 3 martini night, and again I went to bed at 9:30. Gobsmacked is the perfectly apt descriptor for Thursday.
Friday was long again, and I didn't even get away from the site to accompany DH to his doctor appointment. His levels were low, as he expected, requiring transfusion again, but they decided it would be better to wait until today, so he could get up on 6 East, where the staff is a little more knowledgeable about his condition, and more able to poke him without truly hurting him. The kids were doing their own thing for the evening, so we went to the Dane for dinner and a couple of beers. By the time we got home, I was pretty much down for the count again, and talked DH into yet another early bedtime. Unfortunately, neither one of us slept well or long. On an up note, we did manage to get the building to the point it needed to be at for the shelving delivery on Saturday,a nd the beginning of the move-in on Monday. But we won't be truly *done* until June 22 (almost 3 weeks later than the target).
I was not really ready to get up this morning, but DH wanted to cruise the Farmer's Market before checking into the hospital. It was an absolutely beautiful morning,a nd I enjoyed the circuit, but after I left him with the first pint running in, I went home for a sandwich and a nap. He checked in around 9 and was about ready to go at 2:30. Much better than the last couple of times in the north tower. We've rented some DVDs, and I'm doing a chinese-inspired menu for dinner. Tomorrow we'll have to get groceries and finish up some house cleaning. But it is also the state park open house, and it might be nice to really get out for the day.
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